Last night was possibly the weirdest night of my life.

Started poorly with having to work late and therefore not being in the pub for very long before Ruf had to go, but a few cheeky pints later and I was away home to collect the shopping delivery.  That’s fairly normal.

What wasn’t normal was that on the bus home there was a bloke that was clearly not right upstairs, and he started harassing this poor lady sitting opposite, and as he was sitting next to me, I decided I better talk to him to let her get home in peace.  What a mistake!  The bloke was a philosopher, who was writing about the black man’s role in the future and how they are a different and higher species than other races.  He told me all about the conspiracy between the West and the East and how the July 7th bombing were proof.  I asked what the conspiracy was set to achieve, but he didn’t have an answer for that, obviously my smaller white man brain couldn’t handle it.

But the best was yet to come.  Once I had gained his trust, he revealed that he was actually an eternal being who was set to judge who went to heaven and who didn’t when the time came (he didn’t have a date unfortunately), but the shocking thing is that only the black man will go to heaven.  To be fair, I was a bit gutted, but I think I hid it well by concentrating on not bursting out laughing.

Worst bit is, the holy being got off at my stop, so I just hope I don’t see him often, it will only remind me of the fact I’ll never make heaven.  Damn.

THEN!!!!!!

After getting a pizza, the police turned up next door, apparently the lady had been locked out by her son/husband, whoever, and they had barricaded themsleves in the house.  So while I was loitering wondering whether or not to offer her a sit down and a cup of tea, Luke di just that.  We let the police run back and forth through our house to get into next doors back garden, which is when the police man was told he was too old and fat to be doing this (jumping over walls) he said to me “That’s it, he said I was too old and fat to be a policeman!”

I, in all my wisdom, replied “Don’t be silly, you’re not too old.”

Thank God (or the above bloke I met at Stratford) that the policeman had a sense of humour.  So anyway, after coaxing the lady next door in from the cold for a cup of tea while the police got on with it, everything got sorted, the police took a man away and we all went to bed.

Oh – and amongst this we had a discussion on the cat and flea situation, and Claire and I will draw up a plan with dates and timescales and Luke and Lou will instigate it.

So a fairly interesting night.

Just need to remember to black up before I die so I can got to heaven.